When I went through Paramedic school in 2014, it wasn’t exactly my plans. I started college at 16, most don’t know this, because my mom had a stroke and she has multiple sclerosis. I wanted to gain as much knowledge as I could to always be able to take care of her. My dad left, after 17 years of marriage and she needed help in multiple ways. My siblings were both younger than me and I wanted to make sure they got to school and back and they both successfully graduated high school.
I was a straight A student, but…
I quit school, to be able to help with my brother and sister, with intentions of doing homeschool. Homeschool on my own was not ideal, and I made good grades, so I took My GED and started college courses. I had no idea what I wanted to be, but knew I wanted to help others. I suck at math, so I struggled time after time to try and get into the nursing program. I took EMT basic as an elective, but quickly felt called to continue my education and gain my Associates in Paramedicine. I had a few years where I worked full time and had kids that made my process a long one. I applied for LPN, and RN programs , too many times to count. I got alternate a few times but never accepted.
God’s Plan…
You see, Gods plan was for me to continue emergency medicine, in the chaos, and to be with folks on their worse days. Offer compassion, and be kind to folks that never experience it. Being in EMS , we are with folks that are scared, anxious and need to just know someone cares. I couldn’t tell you all of the times that I’ve been in the right place at the right time, or the times God has protected me, when I’ve been off during a tragedy that I don’t know how I would’ve handled it.
All the times, I felt I couldn’t handle a situation though, God could. There has been times, I’ve cried and wanted to scream to wish I hadn’t witnessed the tragedy and pure evil that I witness at times. I’ve thought I’d never be the same after some occurrences, but God steps in an eases my mind. When I went to Paramedic school, I was timid and didn’t have much self- confidence. I also had three small children, and going to school full time, trying to study or even have gas to make it to school was a task within itself. I did my best, I studied and I lost sleep plenty of nights. When I went to clinicals, I had the best preceptors. God chose exactly who I needed to guide me, and show me the ropes. All along, I had one goal in mind, and it wasn’t to just finish Paramedic school, it was to learn whatever I needed to learn to be able to make a difference. Sometimes there is absolutely nothing we can do, if it’s someone’s time to go, we can’t stop it.
I’ve been called green, naive and even told that I would be eaten alive by EMS folks when I started working full time as a medic. When I finished Paramedic school, my Instructor said she watched me grow a backbone. I didn’t exactly know what that meant until I realized I could advocate for my patients in front of a doctor, or abusive family members. I have a strong passion for advocating for others when they can’t for themselves, and I take my care very personal. Sometimes this is a great skill, and great attribute;but other times this is terrible because I beat myself up, more than anyone ever could.
I’m always replaying calls, and trying to figure out if I could’ve done something different. God gave me the gift of discernment, and I know when something isn’t right.
My heart has broken over the years, and I even took a break from EMS during the pandemic, because yes, I signed up to help people, but nothing could have prepared me for the devastation that Covid brought.
We saw folks dropping like flies, because they didn’t want to burden anyone, they didn’t want to get shipped to another state for care, and they didn’t want to have family get sick trying to help them.
It was 8 lives, 8 people that I saw die in a two week period that broke me. I couldn’t handle that fact that I felt helpless, hopeless and like a no good Paramedic. There was not enough oxygen, not enough medicine, not enough anything to help these folks. We had oxygen but after researching Covid, I realized the alveoli that protect the lungs fills with fluid, or becomes destroyed and there is no way to get ahead of it when it starts to take over. Oxygen can’t get through, and all of the organs begin to shut down when the blood can’t get oxygen to them.
I left, defeated and broken.
I didn’t know who I was , I had been “Chastity , Paramedic”, for years and my identity was tied up in what I did for a living . God showed me that I was HIS, and I wasn’t putting him first, or realizing that I was just his tool-he was the savior.
I went back to working on the ambulance about a year later with a different mindset. I pray on the way to work that God will put me where he needs me, and show me what he needs me to do. I pray for others to see God in me, and show compassion to the lowest man on the totem pole, to the highest. I don’t care if you are black, white, blue, or green. God made us all!
I will always try my best to do whatever I can for my patients. I will always care for others just like I’d want to be treated. I have good days, and bad. I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I am always learning and reading to have the knowledge to face any task.
When I am given a call, I look at it with one perspective, and that is that God gave me that call for a reason. I don’t always know the reason, but God does. I pray that I never grow weary of doing what he wants me to do.
I’m so thankful, we just got the opportunity at my place of employment to join an amazing ambulance service. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that “In God we Trust!” Is on the trucks. I have the opportunity to grow, and a system in which I have equipment and supplies that will be available for me to do whatever God needs me to do.
Stitches of My Heart 